This is possibly the best example ever of two awesome things I love combining and . . . being massively disappointing. Some things go together beautifully. Glass and hands-free vibrators are not two of those things. I wanted this toy for ages. I wanted – nay, needed – a hands free wearable vibrator, but so many of them are nasty jelly or crap like that. I already knew I loved glass. (I have an unreasonable number of glass toys, and I always want another one because they’re just so damn pretty and shiny.) Icicles #34 seemed meant for me. It was calling my name. But you know, someone can call your name all sexy-like and still suck in bed.
The design of this piece is similar to those wearable vibrators of questionable materials I’d been eyeing. It’s meant to strap on against your vulva and stimulate the entire outer region, while the tiny penis part sits inside the vagina. The curved outer section is about 4” long, while the insertable section is 3” long and 3” around at the head. If I were judging on comfort alone, this would be a win. I could wear this all day. That is, IF the straps were sturdier and not utterly unnecessarily baffling. I am a fan of internal and external stimulation at the same time, but neither of these things worked to my liking. It fit fine, but then it just sat there, like a vaginal freeloader, doing nothing at all.
The internal part is nowhere near girthy enough, and I don’t think that’s due to my vast experience. It’s ultimately forgettable, as in, you will probably forget you are being penetrated. Even if you like slimmer toys, I just think this is too slim for something that ALSO offers so little in the Vroom department.
It feels like . . . nothing. I enjoy pretty strong vibrations, but I think this would be too weak even for the more sensitive of clit owners. The thing about this is, the vibration action is delivered by a small bullet vibe powered by three AAA batteries, and those are okay DIRECTLY on the clit, but far too weak to work with this glass piece. I ended up being able to feel the vibrations, but only in the most vague and teasing way. There is no way this could cause an orgasm. Not going to happen. After experimenting with Pressing my Halo Wand and Hitachi against the outside of it (which is usually awesome with my other glass toys), I think the issue is more with the design of the toy and not the lack of power alone. Even my more powerful wand vibes made this feel “interesting” – nowhere near “skin-meltingly erotic”. The vibrator part has various speeds and patterns, and I normally love patterns, but on this I really could not tell much difference at all.
A final minor annoyance, but one I know I am not alone on – it’s pink, it’s ONLY available in pink, PINK, BITCHES!
ONE good thing about this toy is that the straps will actually fit a large size range. I am a US 10/12, and need the straps cinched nearly all the way they’ll go. A very slim person might have trouble getting them small enough. But hey, ANY person might have trouble feeling that this is stable since the straps are flimsy as hell. I would like to offer kudos to recognizing body diversity, but I suspect that was not the main goal here.
Finally, I can’t really criticize this toy without talking more broadly about Pipedream as a company. I used to buy a lot of their products** before I became aware of their racist and sexist bullshit. Now that I know more about the company, these more disappointing purchases seem less like toys that just didn’t work for my anatomy, and more like products designed by people who hate women. Why would I trust a misogynist to design something to give me pleasure? It would be stupid to walk into a vegetarian restaurant and ask for a delicious steak, and that’s what it feels like expecting a company like this to do anything good for my vagina.
It’s been a while since I got this toy, and it looks like it’s been discontinued. Even so, I still see it for sale in bricks and mortar stores in my area so hopefully there’s still time to warn others before they suffer my fate. This toy does not care about your vagina, not even a little bit. You deserve better.
**I have decided not to buy anything of theirs in the future, but I still own a lot of their toys which I will probably end up reviewing on here.